I have started reading Thinking Parent, Thinking Child today and have been thinking about another way I might have handled the other day's little issue with my nieces. I haven't made it very far in the book, so this is just one minor change I can think of that I could have done--or could do in the future when such problems happen again.
My questioning part to find out what happened was fine. My ton was one of confusion and trying to get the details. Instead of doing the whole explaining thing, what I've gotten so far from Thinking Parent, Thinking Child is to stay in with the questions to get the child thinking more about the situation.
"What started it?"
"J started it when..."
"What happened before that?" (Using words like before, after are part of the whole ICPS--I Can Problem Solve--model.)
"How do you think J felt when you did that?" (Another key ingredient: Help the kids connect with their own feelings as well as what others may be feeling.)
She probably wouldn't have an answer at that point. I haven't read enough to see what an adult ought to do--do you suggest feelings they child might have had or just leave it? But I can see how that would have been much more useful angle in the whole process.
Of course, that doesn't help deal with the hurt feelings over the papercut, but can that really be dealt with? lol. Part of me thinks we have to get back to the beginning and instead of focusing on the papercut that was the result of K's actions. The problem is not the papercut; the problem is in the altercation that took place!