Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Project "Bring Back to Life" Is Going Well!

I've written about how I feel like I need to bring my son back to life. The way I'd describe it now is that it's like his spark died down a bit, and the fuel that was good before no longer worked, but new fuel hadn't really been found. Other than video games and hanging with his cousins.

I started considering more his nature and how I could help him come back to life, essentially. Little things like having him help me with supper have actually led to him offering to help me with supper. He started drawing again. I asked him if he'd sit with me for the computer programming videos a bit--we did maybe 20 minutes--and he could help me since he'd already done the early videos, and he said yes. And I could tell he loved already knowing stuff to show me where to find what they were talking about in the video.

Then Carol Tuttle's energy types got me thinking about him. And how I haven't been meeting some of his needs well--but he doesn't realize they are needs, so he was unable to express them. For example: he likes to know what's going on when. He has ALWAYS been like this. This is nothing new. "When's supper going to be?" "When will Papa be back?" "When are we leaving?" But he doesn't really plan things, so I somehow had in my mind that plans weren't his thing. Which means I never realized that he would do well with at least a an idea of what we're going to do each day and how long it's going to take. (Yes, "How long will it take?" has been one of his lifelong questions, too.)

Then I got reconnected with the MBTI--Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory. Figured out that he's an ISFP with some strong ISTP traits. They don't tend to be school-oriented. (Uh, yeah! lol) And they are adventurers. Now, I wouldn't have called him that, because he's so darn cautious, but I realize that that was part of his spark as a little boy: he was constantly exploring things of interest to him. Sometimes crazy things. Like frightening deep-sea animals, or dangerous animals of Australia (he never wants to go to Australia as a result), and just playing hard in whatever crazy intense game he and his cousin would come up with or just playing soccer or just always on the go, either doing or exploring.

But Lego and those kinds of games have lost their charm. He gets that desire for adventure--the remake of his old shooting games with his cousin--through video games now. Or watching people on YouTube play video games. But he also has various games on the go and changes what he plays. My husband doesn't get that. He likes starting one game and working through to the end. "Didn't you just get a game?" My son likes variety. Another realization.

So, I've started just planning things, and letting him know. And doing it CM-style right now: Keeping it to 15-20 minutes when it's definitely stuff he isn't interested in. Switching it up. Having a bit of variety. Doing more with him. He instinctively knows that going to school, the routine and setup at school, would bore him to DEATH. I need to work with that instinct. He's also someone who often needs to absorb new things a bit before he can use them. He can't just imitate you right away with a math problem, for example. Has to be shown a bit first--and then, if possible, have explanations tied to it. He needs to see how things are working, what they mean, what their point is, before moving forward.

At the same time, all of this reflection about him has had me realize: no wonder I couldn't really do anything with him school-wise when he was little!!! lol. Oh man... I am an INTJ. He and I, other than both being introverts, are very, very different in how we approach things and think about things. lol. I understand now why I didn't know how to reach him better school-wise when he was younger--because I wasn't seeing how he connected with things and moved forward. And hopefully we can move forward positively now through his final years of homeschooling.